FragilityI never know where to begin.I just want to open up my ribslike a cherry wood cabinet.That maybe you'dfind something worthwhile inside.All beyond the mess of thoughts;I could immerse you in my feelings.They're not all fantastical butsome of them make sense.Good sense.I couldn't tell you why, I simplydon't know myself. I've just achedso desperatelyto be able to explain..There were October days thatmade me feel so small.There was one where we were drivingalong and alongand all the crimson and caramelthat surrounded us looked soangry at me. And I've never been scaredof a god damn treebut their beautiful colors wereceaseless and enraged.I did not like them that whole day.I almost wanted never to like them again.My forehead wrinkled with worry -I swear Ithought they would burn me to the ground.This feeling caught up with me,a recent November afternoon.While the leaves were just starting to lookbewitching again, the waters I wasabout to cross were, to s
It's Not RainingTap dancing rain on open windows.and the wind chimes of my eldest neighborall tuck me in up to my earsand kiss me gentlymaking me heavy like lavender would.If it had only stayed more than those seconds.I like it much better than thetrain that comes at midnightand again three minutes pastto make a lot of noise.It's not raining and my light is on again,contradicting the sun.I feel like a puddlebut I can't sleepwith all the splashing.
Day One12:31The water is all moving in the same direction.To the left.I like the left side of the boardwalk.Sideways, not longways.The sand's not moving. But I am.Wait,my life is like a spinning platform,the one you stand onwhile you're trying to get into your log flume boat.12:33That doesn't make sense.12:37There's a peninsula(small one)of charcoal rocks.I want to be standing on the very edge of them.I would be powerfuland then jump in for a swim.12:39There's nothing more mystical than laughing.Everyone has such a nice laugh.1:14I see a middle aged couple nearby.I want to be them one day.Maybe not.The woman keeps putting her hands in the water.It is fall.I hope he loves her.1:28They're gone.2:00The water is green.There are two birds by the water now.They remind me of the couple.2:05Everything's grey..except the sand.2:13You know how the world is onsuch an angle when you lean your headto the side?Likecraning your neck..I wish I was falling when I di
Desire and Fear: Of Making SenseI never meant to torture you; I am so sorry that I lost my way. You insist that I ever had a way but I can't remember that being true. My mapis soaked through and my ink roads look more like smudged makeup and tear stained skin. I have no path mapped out.I thought I did but everything is the same color out here and my compass only points to me. I wish I could just hop a train, any one, and find myselfalong the way. The conductor would help me off the old charming locomotive and I would be a new person.Whoever that was who caught the train at the last second now has white gloved hands and knows where to take her yellow cab.I'm sorry for whenever I stopped making sense. I guess I have misled you.But if any lie, it is white with a halo. Perhaps I made you believe I was sure ofmyself. I'm sorry if you hate this love spell, I too wish that you had seen how very sad I was from the beginning. Maybe you could help me though,it would seem that I've misplaced my rhymeand my reason. I for
StruckRemember three days ago whenat two am(feels like five minutes\minutes minutesRemember one second we werejustplaying this stupid game andI feel knots in my shoulders and youraise your voice i had that ugly smirkremember you shoved mehow could i forget? i slaminto the wall you broke the fucking cagethe gates were open, my demons I lost myself so completelyI started swinging and Iscreamed at the top of mylungsI wanted to hurt you so fucking badAnd the panic in your eyes was beautifulyou did not know whatto do with yourself except youopened your arms and trapped me with"baby" in that voice; you held me downuntil adrenaline drowned in the soundof your heart pounding and tryingto bring me backi just cried because i hadnot felt so sorryin a long long timecalm
Mid OctoberMissed it by that much.(, what you smelled like)It came and went beneath myfeet in a wisp of crimson leaves and(mid October)caramel air.(Of last year)Surrounding my bonesand widening eyes in a sweetand surprising daze.I suddenly remembered whatyour mother’s house smells likeon the first day of autumnand what your pillow smelled likewhen you taught me how toplay video games - In your room -and what your neck smelled like (beforeyou got that cologne for christmas)when we layed togetherand fall was like a secretsafer than a pillow fort betweenour warm bodiesand mismatched socks.
The Guest RoomThe day my curtains had lungs reminded me of the time I suffocated next to those ugly stains onthe lavender carpet. You know how muchI hate sleeping with the blinds open; Thestillness under night's cloak is unnerving.It was such halfhearted sleep, tepid,and with open eyes. I saw none untilthe moon chimed four in thelate night and your shadow sweptacross the guest room floor. PerhapsI should have been more distressed but when,in my haziness, I felt your arms slink aroundmy sunken waist and your breath on mybare shoulder.. Ghost or not, we wereenamored - even I could catch forty winks.
DustYou could say I’mas little as the stardust that floats in the sun’s glow(through sheer curtains)when you’ve got nowhere else to look.And they’d call itblush pink but I wish I was astall as my scarlet heart.I could see hair lines with droopy lids instead ofstraining my neck withdoe eyes.Remember the time words bruised my cheeks?And before the sob could evenburst from the dry back of my throat andbefore the tears evenleft my ductsYou hooked me with able arms andI was not forlorn. You hadthe stardustbetween sun streaks and I wish Iwas again buried between the braided threadsof your blue shirt with closed eyesand fingers in my hair.